The roles of men and women in the Bible have been difficult for me to accept. I was raised by a mother who came into her own during the feminist movement. She was the matriarch of our home. I wasn’t given a very high opinion of men and believed that women were superior to men in most ways. Because of our society’s view of men, television, and to be honest, men themselves, sometimes I still believe that.
When I accepted Jesus as savior and began to read the Bible I was challenged that I needed to believe the whole counsel of God. I couldn’t pick and choose what I wanted it to say and that included the teaching of the roles of women and men. You may want to argue with me or look for loopholes but I feel that I need to teach the Word the way it is written and there are too many complimentary passages regarding this subject that God’s intention cannot be denied.
I also need to say that just as the word discipline has been misunderstood regarding child -raising I believe submission is a misunderstood concept as well.
Submission is not something that someone does to you.
Submission is a choice you make.
And while it may seem that you are submitting to your husband, the ultimate submission that you are choosing is submission to God.
I also know that when discussing this topic you are going to evaluate under what contexts I might have had to submit. For those of you who know my husband, you may think that submission to a Godly man may be easy or easier than what you have to endure.
But I need to say that submission is never easy. Remember back to the Garden of Eden when the only rule that God put forth was that Adam and Eve not eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. All Eve had to do was submit to a holy God in one point and yet she failed, as did Adam.
Submission is not natural, submission is supernatural.
Turn with me to 1Peter 3:1
“Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husband so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,
Because this passage of scripture starts with the clause, “in the same way,” that indicates that we need to go back and say to ourselves, in the same way as what?
What is the context? Good Bible study never takes a verse and lifts it from its setting. The context goes back to 1Peter 2:13-15.
~Submitting to governmental authorities
~Submitting slaves to masters in spite of the way they are treated.
In the same way….you are to submit to your husband.
In the other examples the purpose for submission was so that you would live above reproach, to show others another example, a different way to live and view circumstances.
And it is because of Christ’s suffering that we are able and willing to submit. Because of the example of Jesus we can follow in His Steps. He submitted Himself to the judge who judges justly; living with a situation that is unfair and sometimes unbearable.
Now Peter comes to the subject of marriage as he says,
“in the same way…”
~In the same way as Christ,
~in the same way as servants,
~in the same way as citizens….
A few preliminary points:
First of all we are told that we should be submissive to our own husband, not someone else’s husband
God would never want us to think that submission means to place ourselves or are children in an unsafe environment.
Before we explore what submission means, let’s take a look at verses 1-7:
“Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husband so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment,(NAS merely external) such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4 Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, 6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
Advice for wives:
1. Analyze your actions:
It is obvious from this verse that Peter is talking to wives with unbelieving husbands, “disobedient mates”, they could be husbands who are not pursuing spiritual truth, husbands that care little about the things of God.
So we are told to win our husband by our behavior.
We are to win them without a word, but by our behavior. Without a word… How unnatural is that?
And what is our behavior to be?
Purity/Chaste: virtuous
Reverence/Respectful: respect for God and respect for your husband.
Regardless of his response or what his behavior is.
You are not responsible for your husband’s life, only your own. You are not responsible for his make- over. Only God can do that.
Ruth Graham once said, “It is my job to love Billy, it is God’s job to make him good.”
Tom Hale commentary, “Behavior is always more effective than words in winning people to our side. Indeed the best way to bring people to Christ is through our good behavior."
Second piece of advice for wives:
2. Watch your adornment:
Outer beauty vs. inner beauty.
Let not your adornment be external only.
It doesn’t say let not your adornment be external at all.
There is a middle road regarding external adornment…some may think that it is more spiritual to pay no attention to the external while others spend too much time in physical up-keep. We owe it to ourselves and our husbands to take care of ourselves physically, to work with what we have so that our husbands continue to be attracted to us.
But not to become so obsessed that we are spending too much time, money and effort on the external and let the internal go.
We need to continue to be lovely to our husbands, it shows respect for ourselves and respect for him.
But let’s face it, your outward beauty will fade, but what will never fade and what is valuable to God, what you will take to heaven with you is the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. God says that is of great worth to Him.
What is a gentle and quiet spirit?
3. Check your attitude:
Gentle and Quiet spirit.
Your adornment should be deep within, a secure calmness. Because you know who you are and who you serve. It takes a lifetime to prepare for this kind of beauty. The hidden person of the heart. Contrast: physical vs. internal.
Let the adornment include the hidden person of the heart.
We can spend lots of time teaching our girls how to dress and miss the lesson on the hidden person of the heart.
God calls the quality of the gentle and quiet spirit as precious. God calls it imperishable and that it is precious.
4. Evaluate your attention:
Adorn for the inner and outer person.
Submissive, cooperative, adaptive, unselfish
Sarah obeyed Abraham,(calling him Lord) she paid attention to him. She considered his needs, she cooperated with his wishes, she adapted to his desires.
Evaluate where you pay most of your attention. It is common when caring for the constant needs of children to put the needs of our husband on hold and that is when marital breakdown can begin.
If you only knew what I was living with….how difficult he can be.
But you have an opportunity to bless.
William Barkley calls this, “Silent preaching of a lovely life.” This is a voluntary unselfishness, seeking the highest good for a husband who doesn’t deserve it.
Husbands: vs 7
Husbands LIKEWISE (equal responsibility)
1. Live with your wife. Live means to dwell together, to be at home with. A close togetherness. Understanding the needs of the home and the woman God has given you.
2. Understand your wife. This means more than knowledge like her likes and dislikes, this communicates a deep knowledge, support her, be sensitive to her, help her feel secure. It takes time, listening, attention.
As with a weaker vessel. (not weaker in character or determination)
3. Grant her honor as a fellow heir.
So that your prayers may not be hindered.
Write down 4 qualities you appreciate most about your husband and tell him.
Admit the one thing you would most like to change about yourself.
b Eph 5:22; Col 3:18
Wives and Husbands 22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
Ephesians 5:22
Rules for Christian Households 18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
19 Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible.
1 Corinthians 9:19
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